We do not see others as they are, we see them as we are. I found a mirror in the others. I saw my own reflection in them.
I watched how much it hurt. I saw how I fight, against myself and against my life, in others. I saw the sadness, the anger, the frustration, the misunderstanding. I saw negative emotions devour and control them. I saw him equate joy and happiness with his material successes, external compliments, his financial income and the number of eyes looking at him. I saw him depend on the outside to be happy.
I saw him lie to himself. I saw him make a mistake. I've seen him believe and build his life on dissatisfaction with his ego. I saw him allow himself to be guided by his mind. I saw him always asking for more. Always dreaming bigger. I saw him wanting again and again. Running after dissatisfaction. I saw the man who is never satisfied with what he has. The one who lives chained by the handcuffs of his mind, the one who lives blindfolded and bleeding from the ears. Yes, the one who does not know, the one who does not see and the one who does not hear. And yet the one who thinks he knows everything. The one who thinks that everything revolves around him, the one who appropriates everything and takes everything personally. He who does not know how to live without detachment. Because he is too busy with himself, too attached to his past, with trivia and pursuing his selfish desires. I've seen him blindly defend his own beliefs, even if it means sacrificing the things that make him feel alive, convinced that he is on the right track. I saw him stand still in front of the opinions of others. I have seen him judge, criticize and impose his opinion. I saw him jealous and envious. I saw his pettiness, his violence, and his indeference in hurting others. I saw him want to control everything. Direct everything. I saw him follow that little voice in his head to the letter and say the worst nonsense in the world. Until he loses the coherence between his thoughts and his actions. I have seen him disguise himself in front of others, sometimes also break down and lose control. I saw it so dark, vibrate so low that sometimes I get scared. I let him manipulate me and believed that his words, his attitudes and his actions were true. That they belonged to me. That defined me.
I saw the other one aim higher and then I saw him reach the top. On the roof of the world where I saw him crumble when he realized that he already had everything and there was nothing else to have. When he realized that what he really had did not allow him to be completely satisfied. I saw him give it his all. I saw him succumb emotionally and physically to one thing. Only one thing. This thing that he thought was keeping him alive. Until I reached it and saw that life went on after conquering the world. That there is a tomorrow, even when you achieve your greatest wish. I saw him gasp for wanting someone other than himself. Helpless after realizing that he had run to his doom for something fleeting. Something empty.
This is what happens, when you run after life and never live it. Without ever taking advantage of it. This is what happens when you think that focusing on something other than yourself is the key to happiness. When you think that accumulating successes, money, victories means happiness. When you think that true wealth is in what you have. The truth is that when you run after external things you always end up suffering. The truth is that by chasing time, life, our dreams too much, our body wears out and gets tired. Until you can't go any further and you need to stop and breathe again. Realize that walking and observing the landscape is much more interesting, rewarding, abundant than running after things. The truth is that humans tend to wear blinders: they forget about everyone around them ... But worst of all, they completely forget about themselves.
How many of them, how many of us go crazy, develop illnesses, have fallen into depression or succumbed to exhaustion (burn-out). How many of us have run after suffering, how many have run to its destruction?
I saw in the other's eyes that he was not right. That he was modest and he was scared. I have seen him discouraged throughout life. I've seen him stay in toxic places, with bad people. I saw him treat himself badly, I saw him speak badly to himself and harm his own body. Sadness, waiting for someone or something to save you from your unhappiness. Then when the time comes when you hit rock bottom, on your own, you realize that you look strangely like this one.
So yes, I was one of those people. Because I am a dissatisfied human like so many others. And I had the honesty to admit it. I recognized myself in the other. Several times even. I saw myself. And I had the courage to face my demons and face my reflection. The truth is, I was just as scared and miserable as he was. The truth is that, by running too much like him, I forgot to live. I chose to suffer without even realizing it. And I promise you, there is nothing worse than realizing that you have been outcast for so many years, that you have done the impossible to forget to live. For yes. It is like a feeling of having lived while dead. It is as if you realize that your whole life has been a lie and that you are the creator of your own lie. Realize that you have never been yourself. That you have always been a mechanic, repeating the same gestures the same things as a robot without ever being genuine. It is as if you had been the other, copying, imitating and listening to him without even denoting yourself. And even worse: having the certainty of doing it. It's like you've never had the courage to get out at all. As if we have always melted into the crowd.
But above all, discover that you never want to be that person again. That you never want to suffer again and be like the other. Not even a detail, a fragment. It's like being an astronaut on earth. You feel like you no longer belong Because you have the opportunity to be different and show your difference in a world where people are the same. It's realizing that our difference is what makes us unique and it's time to finally assert yourself and show who you really are. Imany once said in an interview: "I have been the intern of my life, and today I am finally starting my CDI." And that's exactly it. And the balls go crazy. It's scary, because everything is new. It is like being reborn from the ashes. And have to live again. But in another way. Leaving behind everything you were before. Everything you have built. Create. Imagine. It's taking everything you've taken seriously so far and letting it go. Delete it or throw it away.
It is restarting your brain again while living fully. With the heart. By choosing love, love for life. By choosing to put a smile on every situation, every feeling, every emotion, every action, and every word. It is to pass from the one who suffers life to the one who lives it.
This awareness has turned my life upside down, to turn my brain, push my mind, put my ego at rest, and exhaust my entire body. However, it has increased my energy, it has illuminated my surroundings and has extended my light to whoever wants to take it. She increased the love for me and the love I had given her. This may have upset some who did not understand and still do not understand how I can choose love over suffering. Joy to anger. Freedom from the fight. Let go of frustration and misunderstanding. Peace to conflicts. Order to disagreements. Affirmation of shame. Who does not understand the way in which what they say does not hold, that I do not care that they do not love me, that they do not accept me and that they feel miserable to the point of judging me?
It was a choice. With a decision. After several years of working with me. The decision that you do not see, that is made in the shadows, out of sight and within you. The decision not to depend on the other anymore, the decision to refuse to be like him. It was the choice to be me as a whole. And this in all areas of my life.
But more than anything in trusting life. Have faith, faith in her and in the universe. Give up. To the point of knowing completely what the word welcome meant. What it meant to "have confidence." Trust in experiences, emotions, encounters, feelings, intuition. Self-confidence.
I understood what it meant to love and give myself to unconditional love through loneliness and silence. I understood what true love, connection and energy was like when I realized that time did not exist and that it was a way in which man forgot to be present. In other words, I realized that life only makes sense when time stands still. Where only the present moment mattered and the peace that animated it. Where the conversations, the words, the gestures, the people could be surprised for a moment and last forever as long as we are present. So yeah, all I needed was a choice that seemed completely invisible but changed my life. And this is how I chose to live the rest of my life. By choosing love, peace and laughter. Joy, smile and harmony. And the company of each being who will be grateful for mine by his side.
Since I realized it, I have chosen not to be more like the other. Like them. I chose to shout my difference. I chose to be me. Soul, body and spirit. In my entirety. I chose to follow the line of my heart. The path that is destined for me. The one to shine like the stars in the sky. Because I am like them on earth. I shine and smile a little more every day. I really want to discover and experiment. Let life surprise me with its magic. I no longer want to take anything seriously by turning negative into positive. I choose to change the vision I have of things, the vision I have of others, but above all the vision I have of myself. Because that's what makes me strong. That is what makes me untouchable. This is what allows me to get closer to the best version of myself. This is the key that opens the door to my own happiness.
So, from that day on, I have decided to be the sun that shines through the storms, to be the heat that seeps into cold and sad hearts and the light in the dark abyss of this world. For me. For you, the one who runs to your loss and who will see in me a little hope. A breath of joy and a ray of faith. Faith in everything possible. Faith in life. She is here to remind you that she is unique and that she is worth living a thousand times over.